I Suck

I realize that I suck. I have been MIA and stupid. I am writing this to let you know that 1)I am alive. 2)I will begin writing more frequently again, it's been a busy summer. 3)Meow meow. 4)This is my warm up post.

Cheers - Talk soon.

I Swear I Don't Think This About any of my Friends. I am really happy for them.

Pregnant Women are Smug by Garfunkel and Oates - watch more funny videos

It's the Glasses

One of our actresses is the mom in this. It is pretty funny. Check it out.

Disturbing News

The cute dog Phoebe, the one that looks like the Taco Bell dog, that I told you about last week, died. The circumstances are suspect, but it is quite sad. RIP Phoebe Louise.

I Never Said I Was Role Model

So for this St Patrick's Day evening I went to watch one of my managers sing in a band. He sings with the Harry Gold Band, which is a cover band. They did a really good job. Harry Gold owns a medium size talent agency and he is also Tracy Gold from Growing Pains father. She was there and really cute and dancing and singing with her dad's band. It's been like, almost 20 years since that show has been on and I think she looks exactly the same. Also random and pretty surreal was when they played "Help from My Friends" with the dad from The Wonder Years sitting right there.

After that I went to a Karaoke bar called The Brass Monkey. As I got there a fight was just being cleared and I heard some dude say "Sorry man, that's just the Armenian in me" Oh OK - If that's your excuse, fight away. Anyway, supposedly there were glasses thrown and it was just nutso. The DJ said there had never been a fight in there before.
Then he said - You can fight all you want in here but you still can't beat this girl:



I love her. That video and these pictures are the reasons why Natalie is one of my fave actresses. Besides the fact that she is great at acting.

This Isn't Called Foo Foo Sweet Love Boot Camp

That is a quote from Tough Love, which premiered tonight on VH1. It's of course hysterical like most reality TV shows with crazy people on them. But the funniest part about it is that Steve Ward went to my college and I am not sure how he wrangled up this TV show. He was the guy that everyone made fun of cause he was so full of himself and clearly he still is since he thinks his opinion is so valuable that he can center a whole TV show around it. I must admit, it is pretty funny when he yells at some of these super stupid woman. Well good on you, Steve Ward, good on you.

Homeless or Micky Rourke

This is what Micky Rourke wore to a really expensive restaurant, Nello, in NY last night. He is just so darn crazy.

Poor Joaquin Phoenix

I think Joaquin Phoenix is a great actor and he has recently quit acting to begin a musical career. When I heard that I thought, it would be a genre in the rock and roll vicinity. But then I found out yesterday that he wants to be a rapper. Now I know he is crazy, he threw out a lot of disturbed interviews during the Walk the Line press, where he talked like a crazy person not making any sense and speaking gibberish, he clearly was on drugs. But this is taking it too far. What surprises me the most is the professional backing he is getting. Casey Affleck who I consider to be a pretty serious actor/artist, is documenting Joaquin's switch to Hip Hop and Puffy is producing his record. Don't these guys know, nobody is going to take him seriously?

Here's him quitting:


Here's the rapping video:


After this incredible performance, he fell down the steps leaving the stage. Its sounds and looks like me when I rapped and danced to TLC's "Hat to the Back" when I was 12. Actually I take that back - I was way better. Perez said he hoped this is some kind of Borat thing. I really hope so. Get off the drugs Joaquin.

For Erin

At the top of the page is link that says Next Blog - if you click through that you get the randomest things. And they are all in different languages. Awesome crazy.
Here is one where Jesus, (Christ not Madonna's new boytoy) is crying while looking at the earth, with the moon looking at Jesus. It's so beautiful. Oh I forgot to mention - Jesus is crying - its your fault.
http://toneraideniodasos.blogspot.com/

On this page the person writes like a 19th century poet. In alternating languages.
http://ipauper.blogspot.com/

I liked this one just cause there were cool pictures on it.
http://shellam.blogspot.com/

I found this insano video on this blog. The blog seems really interesting, if I could read spanish, even after 9 years of spanish classes. I don't know what the city is in the first picture (Puerto Noruoego) but it looks super frio.
http://tonionblanes.blogspot.com/

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Perezzies

In case anyone was wondering what my picks are for the prestigious awards - The Perezzies

Hottest Hookup	Biggest Breakup
Scarlett Johannson a...	Madonna and Guy Ritc...
Favorite Jonas	Breakout Star of the Year
Joe	Robert Pattinson
Baddest Bad Girl	Biggest Scandal
Amy Winehouse	Madonna and A-Rod's ...
Best Dressed	Worst Dressed
Angelina Jolie	Mariah Carey
Hottest Hottie	Cutest Celebuspawn
Robert Pattinson	Suri Cruise
Most Improved	Worst Trainwreck
Britney Spears	Amy Winehouse
Most DVR-worthy Series	Biggest Box Office Blowout
The Office	The Dark Knight
Celeb of the Year
Heath Ledger

Who would you vote for?
Go to PerezHilton.com to vote!

Life is a Fortune Teller

This is so random. This was the cover of Life Magazine in 2004.
Tina Fey and John McCain. What? How ironic!

Hollyweird

Over the weekend I hung out with a friend of mine from high school who was in town. We went to Skybar, which is such an awesome place - but I have never actually had fun there. LA is such an odd place. In the middle of bar there was this couch and in front of the couch was a red velvet rope. This was a so called "VIP" area. It was like sitting in your living room and putting a rope in front of yourself between your couch and your coffee table and then saying - "No you can't come in here, it's private." And people were waiting in line for the staff to prepare the area to get in. The couch could fit maybe 4 people. It was so weird and funny.

After deciding it sucked there, we left and on our way out - we met Mr Rawazeva. He said to our friend, Kaz, "Sir I can see you are with two lovely ladies, I do not call ladies B-I-T-C-H's in my songs. I respect ladies. Please take my CD and check out my music. I do not need you to give me anything, just listen to my music. I just want to get my music out. But I do accept donations" So Kaz gives him $1 and Rawazeva says "What? a dollar forget it" and takes the CD back. So clearly it wasn't about getting the music out. In the end we paid him $3 and got 2 CDs. I am listening to it now and surprisingly I think it is OK. Its sounds like any ghetto rap that you hear on top 40 stations. I expected much worse. I have not heard him call ladies b-i-t-c-h's, but he does call lady's "mommies" and "shorties". I think I'd rather be called a bitch. This guy will probably end up blowin up we were doggin on him(rap speak). That will compare to the time when me and my friend Kim were on South St in Philly and one of the Strokes came up and gave us their first EP and I said - "I am never going to listen to this no name band". Now they are one of my favorite bands.

We went to the Stone Rose which was in Brenda's hotel and we had a really good time there except for the 3 inch roaches that hung out with us that I crazily kept checking for.

Then I met this lovely lady in the bathroom.

And I don't really have much to say about that.

I stayed at my friends hotel and we were woken by the LA Aids Walk music, which the hotel was playing right under our window, and the 4 people clapping at the walkers as they passed. While I walked to my car in the opposite direction of the AIDS walkers (in my clothes from the night before) it was fun to see the people get out of their walk and go to Taco Bell for a mid walk 500 calorie snack. A burrito is alot like a powerbar. And it was fun to see the 2 protesters on their megaphones shouting to the walkers, who spent their morning raising money for people with AIDS, that gay people are the reason why there is war, famine, tsunamis and hurricane katrina. My goodness, those gays are awfully powerful people to cause all of that.

But it was really cool, there were soo many people and it ended up raising over 3.1 million dollars. Go Walkers. I wish I wasn't a scrub and participated.

My Week at My New Job

So after my first week of work, I really like the job. It is pretty long hours, but I like what I am doing, I am learning a ton, and they are super laid back. It is a mid size talent management company that has been around for awhile and they also run an indie record label too. They don't have any big stars, but they have some recognizable people that you have seen in movies and TV. I think I am going to learn alot and it will be a good building block for the future. Being as they have been in the business forever they know a lot of people and have a ton of celebrity stories, which is awesome. I randomly met Britney's 30 second first husband the other day, which was just strange. So that is that, and GO PHILS!!!!!!

Etc...

Just a side note - Saturday Night Live last night was great. Anna Faris is excellent. As is Kristin Wiig. As is Fred Armisen. As is Tina Fey. And Kenan Thompson.

Genius!


Also - RIP Paul Newman. I love him. He was such an inspiration and a superb actor. Also he was super hot.

In Color

Have you ever wondered "Hmmm I wonder what song that homeless man is listening to on his headphones?" Well if that man is in West Hollywood walking with a bouquet in a two seater stroller wearing pink camouflage shorts, he is most likely listening to "In Color" by Jamey Johnson. How do I know this you ask? Well the man started telling me about this song and how it speaks to the situation with the financial markets and how this guys is a genius, then he shoved his dirty earpiece in my ear. I listened for a moment then was on my way to promptly go home and clean my ear out with alcohol. He also told me if I am ever in trouble and I see him, yell out to him and he will help me. For a moment I felt like I was in a Jack Handy scenario.

Unfortunately I could not take pictures of celebs and not do my job at the same time

The Nokia Theater where the Emmy's were held.


The room in the Convention Center where the Governors Ball was. There were 3500 people there!



This huge Emmy was on top of the bar that was in the middle of the room. They had huge fake emmys all outside of the convention center too. The emmys themselves were bigger than I thought they would be and sooo shiny.


The things I stole. The Emmy program, an Emmy ticket, the seating chart for the Governors Ball, the menu, and my parking pass (which clearly I didn't steal). The thing that the celebs got that I couldn't steal was just a box of Dove chocolates. Which is a pretty lame-o gift. Also the red wine bottles were engraved with 60th Emmy award stuff.


Up close and personal with the ticket.


They served signature drinks too -
This is the "Emmy" drink:
Grey Goose Citron
Elderflower Cordial
Cointreau
Lemon, Orange, Lime juices
Grenadine
Bitters
Mint sprig & Nutmeg

Sounds lovely.

Labor-A-Rama

Pictures from my Labor Day weekend:


I wish I knew how to play the guitar like Jim Hanft.


I wish I knew how to surf.


I wish I was on that boat.


I wish I lived in Malibu.


I wish this picture came out a little clearer.


I wish I didn't get hustled for $5 by the "It's easy - Throw the Ball in the Bucket" guy, just cause I wanted the big stuffed lion at the carnival.

Socks

My roommate's cat is a psychopath. She is obsessed with my cats and when my door is closed she sits on the other side peering under the door. At least once a day - my cat will get in a fight with her - through the door. They attack each other from under the door. And it is a huge ruckus, they slam their bodies against the door, there is crazy growling, my cat gets primal and attacks my other cat. It's nutso. I have created a rug barrier so they can't see each other; however, sometimes I come home and half my rug is under the door so she can get to my cat easier. If the rug barrier is not in place I'll just see one random cat leg coming under my door. So anyway - she is afraid of socks. I don't know why but if you throw a sock at her she jerks her body up in the air in such a way the she could be an Olympic cat gymnast. So I have created an additional layer of protection in the form of a sock barrier on the other side of my door so she can't get close enough to stick her paw under. She walked over to my door today, saw the socks and turned right around. I should be a military strategist.

What A Wonderful Night

So the other day my 400 pound, 50 year old boss/friend/land lord propositioned me to begin a relationship with him. He has a girlfriend and has been dating her for about 12 years, but he seems to have a history of cheating on her and every girlfriend he has had in his life. He told me all of this before telling me -"I'd like you to be that person for me now" and of course "Not all of his relationships have to be sexual, just someone to rest his head on in the park after a long day" After successfully dodging him and not having to say anything in return except that I saw him as a father figure, which he clearly ignored, I received two lovely ecards.

The first and best one says:
"All that is held dear never fades away. I find you in the morning sky, in the sound of children's laughter, in the motion of every stirring wind. You are a part of me and always will be. "
Signed - "What a Wonderful Night. Yours - Landlord."
I cannot fully portray to you the beauty of this card because along with it in the background was lovely soothing music. And now that I think of it - it does kind of remind me of the morning sky.

Then I just received a voicemail refering to my myspace status that says "Myself is pure evil, brought to you by the devil". I stole this line from a movie I watched over the weekend called "Someone to Eat Cheese With", which I rented because Sarah Silverman is in it and I love her. The movie was just OK. But anyway - so I get a voicemail that says "So even the devil thinks your evil? That's interesting, I'd like to know what that means?" I'D like to know what THAT means!!! I should change my myspace status to - "Myself is not going to date older men who want to cheat on their girlfriends"
In typical me style, I have not done anything about this situation. I plan to ignore it in the hopes that he gets the point and when that falls through I will send an email that Mandy has composed for me that basically says - Back the eff off in the nicest way you can say that to someone who has a key to your apartment.
So I guess my years of crazily stalking people in high school and college has come back to get me. But why can't I have a hot, normal sized to only slightly overweight stalker?

Disclaimer: Characters have been changed to protect identity.

Second Greatest Moment in Television History

This is why I love Phoebe -