What A Wonderful Night

So the other day my 400 pound, 50 year old boss/friend/land lord propositioned me to begin a relationship with him. He has a girlfriend and has been dating her for about 12 years, but he seems to have a history of cheating on her and every girlfriend he has had in his life. He told me all of this before telling me -"I'd like you to be that person for me now" and of course "Not all of his relationships have to be sexual, just someone to rest his head on in the park after a long day" After successfully dodging him and not having to say anything in return except that I saw him as a father figure, which he clearly ignored, I received two lovely ecards.

The first and best one says:
"All that is held dear never fades away. I find you in the morning sky, in the sound of children's laughter, in the motion of every stirring wind. You are a part of me and always will be. "
Signed - "What a Wonderful Night. Yours - Landlord."
I cannot fully portray to you the beauty of this card because along with it in the background was lovely soothing music. And now that I think of it - it does kind of remind me of the morning sky.

Then I just received a voicemail refering to my myspace status that says "Myself is pure evil, brought to you by the devil". I stole this line from a movie I watched over the weekend called "Someone to Eat Cheese With", which I rented because Sarah Silverman is in it and I love her. The movie was just OK. But anyway - so I get a voicemail that says "So even the devil thinks your evil? That's interesting, I'd like to know what that means?" I'D like to know what THAT means!!! I should change my myspace status to - "Myself is not going to date older men who want to cheat on their girlfriends"
In typical me style, I have not done anything about this situation. I plan to ignore it in the hopes that he gets the point and when that falls through I will send an email that Mandy has composed for me that basically says - Back the eff off in the nicest way you can say that to someone who has a key to your apartment.
So I guess my years of crazily stalking people in high school and college has come back to get me. But why can't I have a hot, normal sized to only slightly overweight stalker?

Disclaimer: Characters have been changed to protect identity.